IMAGINARY LETTER No. 3 (11/17/13)

kathy at castle

11/17/13

IMAGINARY LETTER No. 3

Dearest K,

        This is coming to you from the blue down under.  It is at a time like this that I miss knowing your thoughts.  My thoughts are always guarded but you are my warden.

        I can’t hurt you and I have no one to whom I can turn in this prison cell.  I believe in God but we don’t get along.  He has left our feeble Will in charge of kindness and mercy.  He gives, yes, yet He takes away in equal measure.  That is emptiness.

        If only I had never met you.  If only I had never seen the sun.  The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.

        Then I fill the dark vacuum with the memories of you.  Memories of you abide in me.  And usually at times like these the memories of you can be animated enough by me to talk to me, yet this time my bridge of extrapolation washes away in sadness.

        I have to write to you as if you are there.

        Call me.  Call me in your memory.  I would rather shelter there.  Let me be the extrapolation from which there is awakening and sorrow no more.

Yours,

Alan Grody

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IMAGINARY LETTER No. 2 (“know, too”?) 7/20/13

 kathy at castle

IMAGINARY LETTER No. 2 (“know, too”?) 7/20/13

Dearest K,

          Are you still a flautist?

          After that summer I was pining so piteously for you that my mother took me out and let me select an electric guitar (hear ominous duh-duh-duh-DAH!) so thus I would have something else to do besides mope.  Of course I wrote eventually my first song for you.  That was my first memory of “hearing” something before I played it.  It gushed out of me like…well,…

          After we had stopped writing (the first time) I veered into the oncoming adolescent desire to be popular.  I had been blessed with piano lessons as an innocent youth.  A blessing I eventually discarded with the mindless cruelty of a child (Forgive me, Ms Brundage.  I wrote about my eventual guilt and anguish in a veiled manner in my first novel (!!) ADOLPH MEISTERMANN) but now, with guitar and sometimes piano, I followed the piper of that epoch and became one of the army of kids who wanted to be famous musicians.  I’m still paying that piper.  That leads to my own “turbulent 20’s” story to be told in whispers another time.  Perhaps we can scare each other someday?

          Today I like baroque music in general.  Most of it has no “agenda” like subsequent music; just the unfolding crystalline logic of the musical elements.  I also like anything by Handel.  I like any quartet, quintet, sextet, or such “chamber music” of any age by anybody.  In such smaller works every note must justify itself.  There is no hiding in some symphonic fast-talk.

          Of course my favorite get-up-and-go song is “Highway to Hell”, cranked up to “11”.

          I must preface that which I whine about next by stating that I know I am lucky not to be a legless orphan scuttling in a Bombay alleyway.  However…

          The only thing that I ever knew for sure was that I loved you.  The same way I might know that I was hit by a train and mangled.  I was so convinced of divine providence that to awaken from such a dream was bitter.  I spat out God.  I began the random walk through my life.  Statisticians have a word for that random walk; they call it the Drunkard’s Walk.  It can lead back and forth over the same territory, like a drunkard looking for his lost keys under the streetlamp because that is where the light is.

          That is why I have crossed your path again, no doubt.

          “Everything happens for a reason”.

          Well, duh-uh, how inanely obvious is that?  It doesn’t invoke a divine guidance any less than it invokes a careening billiard ball (even if you ask “So, Who took the first shot?”).  So where could I plead injustice?  God’s “mysterious ways” appeared to me no different than random acts of justice and injustice.  There is no morality in randomness.  Karma?  That’s a snapshot of a wish; the arc of consequences that can’t be grasped.  However, “Every solution is the next problem” is now what I like to offer as sobriety.

          Anyway, Justice is an imperfect human invention, a flywheel to restrain revenge upon innocents I think.

          In October of 2011 I was shown by my erstwhile friend a blogger’s site called Open Salon.  That was a pivotal moment of my personal evolution.  For nearly three years since then I’ve written at least one story or poem every week.  I have developed some writer’s muscles.  Now, like a jogger hooked on the endorphins (I’ve been there) writing is becoming the meaning of my life, whatever that signifies.  I think you are a jogger, too, right?

          Hooked on endorphins.  Now I’m thinking of my father and how he was so against “drinking” because his father had been an alcoholic (I alluded to one of his childhood events in my story GIN FLY).  Apparently there is a streak of obsessive behavior in my family (yes, yes, I hear you laughing at me!  Don’t worry about that: I’m too lazy to become a stalker physically).  I have an aunt who is a gambler in Vegas.  I have a cousin who wrote a book about gambling.  Me?  Apparently I’m gambling with my existence.  Rolling those dice and thinking, “something good will have to happen”.

          And that will lead to my tales of marriage.

          Autre temps.

Respectfully affectionately yours,

Alan Grody

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IMAGINARY LETTER No. 1 (“no one”?) 7/17/13

 kathy at castle

IMAGINARY LETTER No. 1 (“no one”?) 7/17/13

Dearest K,

        Boo!

        See?  We are no more “strangers now” than we ever were.

        I’m glad you liked that story.  I think you’d like TWILIGHT IN PARIS.  I don’t know where that story came from but it was like taking dictation.  You might also like EUPHORANASIA and DANCING WITH THE BLACK BULL.  Again, I couldn’t type fast enough.

        I know I have a lot of irons in the fire with several serials on which I’m working but for now I’m staking out territory.  My realtor told me about a Mexican film producer who is shopping property nearby where he can build a film set for Westerns.  I’m developing SINS OF THE FATHER so it could be turned into a low budget Western script more about characters than special effects.

        The act of writing is the only thing in my life where I get what I want.  By the time I make any money at writing I’ll be able to pay for my Depends.

        I’ve become a hermit crab living in a shell of congeniality.  My characters are my friends.  I know, I know.  I hear the cuckoo clock.

        My oldest friend from fourth grade elementary school was in a sky-diving accident, not fatal, but he jammed his neck and spine and he’s on a LOT of medication.  I think the medications must have liquefied his brain.  We were giving him monetary help (I did not want the corrosion of a “loan”).  Finally when we were broke we had to ask that the next “installment” be a loan.  For some reason that offended him and we have not had communication for a long time.  That made me feel old because he was such a tether to my youth.

        My only other friend is an expatriate living in Germany.  I’ve known him since high school and in fact he was introduced to me by my erstwhile friend I mentioned above.  He too is a writer, a much keener judge of humanity.  He is the guy telling all the great jokes.  In a previous life he was a very successful salesman.

        My avatar in the allegedly real world years ago found a book entitled Innovation and Entrepreneurship by Peter F. Drucker in the bargain bin of a bookstore.  It was one of those transforming books.  I subsequently read all of his books and was evangelized to the possibilities of the practice of management and how powerful it was in this world.  Until then I was a worker bee who thought that management consisted of long meetings and dissociation from the actual work being done.  I read all of Peter Drucker’s works and became a proselyte and was finally hired into a management position.

        However, in the end I have been defeated.  Companies are neurotic “incorporations” just like people.  Doing the right thing is always a struggle apparently.  In the end people bow to their paycheck, understandably.  So there is still a reign of “artificial challenges created by bad management” and I never wonder anymore why a company goes out of business.  Fortunately for me where I work, there are still people who will come to me and tell me what nefarious schemes are afoot so that I can at least navigate with some hope of staying afloat.

        I’m afraid to look up and see how selfish I really am but I really don’t want to talk any more about me.  I’d rather hear from you.

        I’m good at imagining conversations.

Respectfully affectionately yours,

Alan Grody

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SAY NO MORE

 SAY NO MORE 6

SAY NO MORE

        Love is the root of all sorrow.

        I know you were a friend.  I know you were honest with me.  I know that your innocent optimism changed me.

        Still, to this very moment, I worship false idols of you that I carved into my heart.  I, who was a critical collector of books and insects and tide pool animals, became a collector of daydreams.

        I was so sure that it was because you were trying to convince yourself that you did not love me “in that way” that we never kissed.  After all, you were engaged to another.  I never even held your hand.  Now I never will.  The false idols are breaking.  I should be relieved of my burden any minute now.

        What was the point?

        I realize now that what is real has no “point”.  It exists sufficient unto itself.  It is the false things that have a “point” which is relative to the other false things.

        Of course I lied.  But you know that, don’t you?  I had lost you and so what I then told to you was a melodramatic gambit to show that I wasn’t completely delusional.  There is a name for that kind of friendship.  It is love but I made it a greedy love.  I can say this now because there is no “point” to lying anymore, even if you knew I was lying.  You must turn away from me forever and I will respect that.  Affectionately.  No lie.  You have a family now.

        Even so, your final letter was a pain killer after all these years.  So you were real after all.  For a few days I felt light but there is a shadow coming called closure.

        Both of us will say no more.

 

 

 

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THE TABLE OF MALCONTENTS 6/8/2013

MY PROFILE PICTURE

Sentenced to chain-gangs,

Words will surely set you free.

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BELOW, OPEN THE ANCIENT OF SCROLLS

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2010

1.  GABRIELLA

2.  Where_the_Hours_Clanged_and_Fell

3.  Kenny_in_the_Crosswinds

4.  OLLA_PODRIDA

5.  HAIKU_THE_CAT

6.  LIVING IT DOWN

7.  OWED_TO_A_CIGARETTE

8.  EVERY_REVOLUTIONARY_KNOWS

9.  Dr._Seuss_and_Dos_Equis

10.   REQUIEM_FOR_THOSE_WE_SHELTER

11.  THE_WEDDING_OF_GRANT_AND_MICHELLE

12.  PAPA_GOOSE_-_”Rabbit,_Monkey,_and_Little_Girl”

13. HAIKU_THE_SPIDER

14. HAIKU_THE_THOUGHT_LEADER

15.  aDVISe_FrOM_A_fRIEnD

16.  PAPA_GOOSE_-_”Under_the_Stove”

17.  THE_REVEREND_O.L._DUCK_SONGBOOK,_VOL._I

18.  SEX_OBJECT

19.  ELEGY_FOR_OUR_CAT_RONCHO

20.  TRAVIS_HAS_COME

21.  THE_REVEREND_O.L._DUCK_SONGBOOK,_VOL._II

22.  VISIONS_OF_THE_GONE

23.  ON_THE_DEATH_OF_JOHN_LENNON

24.  THE_BALLAD_OF_HARRY_PALMS

 

2011

25.  THE_GRASSHOPPER_IN_WINTER

26.  HAIKU_THE_LOVE_ZOMBIE

27.  HAIKU_LE_SACRÉ_BLEU

28.  PAPA_GOOSE_-_”TWO_BLACK_SHEEP”

29.  BETWEEN_THE_LETTERS

30.  CRUZAR_MI_CORAZÓN

31.  The_Lickitty_Splitz

32.  Nothing Rhymes with Month, Silver, Orange or Purple

33.  ONE_LAST_LEAF_IN_WINTER_SKY

34.  HAIKU_CONVALESCENT_HOME

35.  HAIKU_THE_SINNER’S_HYMN

36.  THE_CATALINA_VARIATIONS

37.  HAIKU_MOON_IN_THE_YOUNG_EARTH

38.  HAIKU_THESE_THREE_THINGS_I_KNOW

39.  BOLSA_CHICA

40.  I_REMEMBER_TOMORROW

41.  We_met_in_the_4th_grade

42.  THE_AUTHOR_OF_OUR_FATE

43. THE_RAINBOW_BEHIND_US

44.  tHe_pUnK_cRitiC’s_NotEbOOK

45.  MY_FAMILY_TREE

46.  GENEVIEVE

47.  PRIVATE_COMPARTMENTS

48.  Professor_LeJeune’s_Substitute

49.  ME MORIA

50.  JACK_THE_HACK

51.   ABJECTISM

52.  HOW_WAS_YOUR_DAY,_DANNY?

53.  THE_TANGO_LESSON

54.  PAPA_GOOSE – “The_Wolf_Who_Cried_Boy”

55.  A_YOUNG_WIVES’_TALE_-_”Suzie’s_Bullet”

56.  LAZARUS_AGONISTES

57.  PAPA_GOOSE_-_”El_Burro_Viejo_(The_Old_Burro)”

58.  SCRABBLE_THE_MUDDY_COBBLES

59.  OH_BELOVED

60.  A_YOUNG_WIVES’_TALE_-_”Palmdale”

61.  THE_HARD

62.  The_Diary_of_My_Mentally_Ill_Brother

63.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_1_&_2

64.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_3,_4,_&_5

65.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapter_6

66.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapter_7

67.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapter_8

68.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_9_&_10

69.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_11_&_12

70.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_13_&_14

71.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_15_&_16

72.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_17_&_18

73.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_19_&_20

74.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_21_&_22

75.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapters_23_&_24

76.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapter_25

77.  Servant_Of_The_Scorpion_-_Chapter_26

78.  The OS Wednesday Fiction Club for 8/3/11 – CLOSING TIME

79.  The OS Wednesday Fiction Club for 8/10/11 – CONTROLLED BURN

80.  OS Fiction Weekend Club for September 2-4 – JOURNEES INDESIRABLES

81.  WhisperYour Name Into My Heart – Chapitre II –DANS LA FORÊT DE VIEUX HOMMES

82.   OS Fiction Weekend Club for September 9 – 11 – A TOWN CALLED BAD WEATHER

83.  The Outlaw Honey Moses and THE INDISCRETIONS OF KATE GRODY

84.  Whisper Your Name Into My Heart – Chapitre III – COUPS DE LA QUEUE DU DEMON

85.  OS Fiction Weekend Club for September 16 – 18 – The Outlaw Honey Moses and THE ONE BAD HABIT OF REX RAMSEY

86.  OS Fiction Weeked Club for September 23 -25 – Whisper Your Name Into My Heart – Chapitre IV – CHANSON

87.  OS Weekend Fiction Club for 9/30/11 to 10/2/11 – THE POUNDING OF NAILS

88.  OS Weekend Fiction Club for 10/7-9/11: A PIANO IN THE WOODS

89.  Whisper Your Name Into My Heart – Chapitre V – LE GRAND GUERRIER

90.  The Outlaw Honey Moses and THE DUNBAR, AUSTIN, & TAYLOR SECURITY COMPANY

91.  OS Weekend Fiction Club for 10/14 – 16/11 – MISS GAIDO

92.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club 10/21-23/11 ~HIDING OF THE FACE

 93.  Whisper Your Name Into My Heart – Chapitre VI – LE TREIZIÈME MOINE

 94.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club 10/28-30/11 ~JUST GHOST TO SHOW YOU

95.  THE CUTTERS LOUNGE

96.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 11/4-6/11 ~ THE EARTH ALSO MOVES

97.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 11/11-13/11 ~ THE COUNSEL OF FEARS

98.  Whisper Your Name Into My Heart – Chapitre VII – LES ACOLYTES

99.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 11/18-20/11 ~ VENGEANCE IS MINE

100.  The Outlaw Honey Moses and JUBILEE DUNBAR

101.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 11/25-27/11 ~ LA SCIENCE DE GUEULE

102.  Servant Of The Scorpion – Chapter 27 – Mateo, Marcos, Lucas, and Juan

103.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 12/2-4/11 ~ THE TWO FIGURINES

104.  The Outlaw Honey Moses and THE PASSOVER BANK

105.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 12/9-11/11 ~ THE CUTTERS LOUNGE – CARLA

106.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 12/16-18/11 ~ EUPHORANASIA

107.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 12/23-25/11 ~ INFINITELY BLUE

108.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for NeW yEaR*s 2012*THE END OF YEARS

 

2012

109.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 1/6-8/12 ~ VAN DIEMAN’S LAND

110.  Whisper Your Name Into My Heart – Chapitre IX – LES VOIES D’HOMMES (The Ways of Men)

111.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 1/13-15/12 ~ A YOUNG WIVES’ TALE: LORELLA SHIEKH

112.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 1/20-22/12 ~ THE NARROW WOODS

113.  The Outlaw Honey Moses and THE DOG NAMED PUSSY

114.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 1/27-29/12 ~ ALAMOUD THE GOAT

115.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 2/3-5/12 ~ I JUST FELT LIKE IT

116.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 2/10-12/12 ~ MAN AND WOMAN DROWNING

117.   Whisper Your Name Into My Heart ~ Chapitre X – LA CHANSON DE LA MÈRE D’ESPRIT (Song of The Spirit Mother)

118.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 2/17-19/12 ~ SEE SPOT READ

119.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 2/24-26/12 ~ TOUCHING

120.  THE CRUISE

121.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 3/2-4/12 ~ THE CUTTERS LOUNGE ~ THE SILVER STOGIE AWARD

122.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 3/9-11/12 ~ HEY THERE LONELY GIRL

123.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 3/16-18/12 ~ ANNA SYBILLA

124.  Servant of the Scorpion – Chapter 28 ~ ARMS OF FIRE

125.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 3/23-25/12 ~ COME APART

126.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 3/30-4/1/12 ~ THE RAGGED CLAWS OF MICHELA PIATTA

127.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 4/6-8/12 ~ UNDERGROWTH WITH TWO FIGURES

128.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 4/13-15/12 ~ ANGEL FALLS

129.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 4/20-22/12 ~ DUST AND DREAMS

130.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 4/27-29/12 ~ COLD, HUNGRY, NAKED, WET

131.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 5/4-6/12 ~ LAMBA RISING

132.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 5/11-13/12 ~ THE BEAST OF TIN CAN BEACH

133.   The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 5/18-20/12 ~ WALK THE YARD

134.   The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 5/25-27/12 ~ TWILIGHT IN PARIS

135.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 6/1-2/12 ~ FLASH DRIVE

136.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 6/8-10/12 ~ DINNER WITH MY MENTALLY ILL BROTHER

137.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 6/15-17/12 ~ DADDY’S DOLL HOUSE

138.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 6/22-24/12 ~ CROSS COUNTRY

139.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 6/29 – 7/1/2012 ~ CEVICHE

140.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 7/6-8/12 ~ ORCHARD OF THE GOLDEN APPLES

141.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 7/13 – 15/2012 ~ You are HERE

142.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 7/20-22/12 ~ HUNTING FOR YOUR SKIN

143.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 7/27-29/12 ~ I HAVE NEVER BEEN

144.  STALKING EMMA STONE

145.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 8/3-5/12 ~ SPESHUL OLYMPICS

146.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 8/10-12/12 ~ The Cutters Lounge – A REALITY TOO FAR

147.  THE LAST SONGBIRD

148.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 8/17-19/12 ~ APPOGGIATURA

149.  The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 8/24-26/12 ~ POLARITY (TOO OLD TO POLE)

150. The OS Fiction Weekend Club for 8/31-9/2/12 ~ WORD TO THE WISE

151.  IMPERFECT PEBBLES

152.  OS Fiction Weekend for 9/28-30/12 ~ ROLLING THUNDER

153.  OS Fiction Weekend for 10/5-7/12 ~ THE EDEN REUNION

154.  OS Fiction Weekend for 10/12-14/12 ~ SMALL TALK

155.  OS Fiction Weekend for 10/19-21/12 ~  CHÂTEAU DE CHATS

156.  DRAGGL

 

Cleek -à>>>pequeña publicita<<<

 

 

157.  OS Fiction Weekend for 10/26-28/12 ~ OUT OF SERVICE

158.  OS Fiction Week for 10/31-11/4/2012 ~ THE GRAVES OF LOUIS GAROU

159.  DANCING WITH THE BLACK BULL

160.  THE PILLARS OF HEAVEN

161.  AMISH MASH

162.  THE GRIMPILS FARM

163.  EVERY DAY ABOVE GROUND (Chapter 1)

164.  THE GOLDEN RULE CLUB

165.  CAPTAIN CATERPILLAR

166.  (Farewell when OS failed) LOVE TO YOU ALL, MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS

167.  OUT OF THE PARK

168.  EVERY DAY ABOVE GROUND (Chapter 2)

169.   SAVING JESUS

 170.  EVERY DAY ABOVE GROUND (Chapter 3)

 

 

 2013

 171. A TRACE OF MAN

 172.  PATOFLAUTA

 173.  Goodies On Demand

 174.  THE TEMPEST LOUNGE

 175.  ECCLESIASTES 20:13

 176.  BAREFOOT IN THE PARKING LOT

177.  FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND DEBT COLLECTORS

178.  MOOD SWINGS

179.  ADOLPH MEISTERMANN (Carl Reiner Writers’ Contest Entry)

180.  THE END OF THE HOUR (excerpt from Adolph Meistermann)

181.  THE BAD BOY BLUES (excerpt from Adolph Meistermann)

182.  LAUGH THROUGH TEARS AGAINST HIS WILL (excerpt from Adolph Meistermann)

183.  GOD COUNTS HER TEARS (excerpt from Adolph Meistermann)

184.  CITIES OF REFUGE (excerpt from Adolph Meistermann)

185.  SOCRATES DIED TODAY

186.  IN THE TEMPLE OF THREE ANTE MERIDIEM

187.  PASS BY THE MINUTE

188.  THE UNICORN’S BLESSING

189.  MACK COBB “THE ARROYO OF THE SOMBRA OF DEATH”

190.  The Apples of My Eyes

191.  MACK COBB “THE BONES OF THE RIVER”

192.  THE PEARL IN MY OYSTER

193.  ETHANAC, MARGARTH, AND THEDA

194.  MACK COBB “DONKEY JÓTE”

195.  Whispers In My Left Ear

196.  HUNTING THE CLEAN BOOTY

197.  DIARY OF A BRINE SHRIMP

198.  MANIFESTOLES

199.  I’M A GUY

200.  BRÛLÉE

201.  GIN FLY

202. THE JERRY SLITHER SHOW!

 

 

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