ADRIENNE’S WALL

ADRIENNE’S WALL

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     Adrienne Walton was 41 years old that day.

     She sighed.  She cast down her eyes.

     Adrienne held in her hand a photograph of Pierce who was her erstwhile young lover.  She and Pierce had split their differences and they had gone their own ways earlier that day.

     She raised her gaze to her bedroom wall.

     Adrienne then tacked Pierce’s photograph onto the wall.  “With the Tack of Destiny”, she mused silently.

     Adrienne stepped back and surveyed all of the other photographs of the boys and men that she had tacked up on that wall that day: a Calvary of affections.

     Boys and men onto whom she had clasped hope.  Yearning.

     The wall resembled an organization chart.  To Adrienne it was the Club of Disappointments.

     Alan had been her first.  They had been in elementary school.  Adrienne had written innocently in chalk on the hot asphalt playground ADRIENNE LOVES ALAN.  Alan had been so mortified that he had never spoken to her again.

     Then there had been Harley in middle school.  Harley had kissed her and had rubbed her nipple.  He had said it felt like an eraser on a pencil.  Harley had told everyone and then Adrienne had cried.

     In high school she had liked Kagan but Kagan had said that he liked her best friend Brittany.  She couldn’t be friends with Brittany anymore after that.

     Then there was Charles who had suddenly told her that he didn’t want to be her boyfriend anymore.  Charles’ mom hadn’t liked her.  His mommy had assured Charles that he could do better.

     Adrienne then had let Nolan have his way with her.  He had said afterward that he hadn’t know she was a virgin.  Nolan had said that he “didn’t really” want a girlfriend but that still they could “hang out together sometimes”.

     Toby had always joked, “Tobee or not Tobee”.  He had asked Adrienne to marry him.  Soon after that, Toby had asked Adrienne for his engagement ring back, smiling wryly.  Toby had been only trying to make his fickle “real love” jealous.  He then had thanked Adrienne for his victory .

     Holden had wanted Adrienne to join him in a “threesome”.  She had not been sophisticated enough for him.

     Cullen had taken intimate pictures of her in bed “so I can always remind myself how sexy you are” and then he had posted them online.  Cullen had said in his own defense that any guy who took pornographic pictures of his girlfriend would post them online “whether the girlfriend knew it or not”.  Cullen had been convinced that all girls fantasized about being Porn Stars.

     Arlo, Cooper, Beckett, Maddox, Finn, Gunther all had come and gone, the same male in emotional disguises.  All of them.

     What was wrong with her?  Adrienne had consulted women’s websites:

     Was she too needy?

                              too gabby?

                                        too boring?

                             too ugly?

                   too straight?

                             too entitled?

                                        too insecure?

                               too immoral?

                      too superficial?

                                                    too selfish?

     Did she expect too much of love?

     Adrienne did not know herself anymore.

     She trembled.

     Picasso had said that “women are suffering machines”.  She had learned that in her art class. Pierce had been the instructor.

     Her tear wavered.  Adrienne wiped her eye.  She couldn’t go on this way.  Adrienne’s Wall spanned her life.  How could she get around herself?

   On the other side of that wall lurked a terrifying loneliness.

 

💦

     Adrienne’s Wall stood until Adrienne was conquered by Zahara.  Zahara was the black woman who owned the nearby flower shop.  Zahara was handsome, organized, ambitious, and she went to the top of everything that piqued her interest.  Zahara took one long look at Adrienne’s Wall and clawed it down.

But that was only Adrienne’s dream that night.

 

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POOR RELATIONS

POOR RELATIONS

 

 

      They call me Juke.

      I was thinking, and that was not good:

My wife left me.
She took my son.
She got a five-year restraining order against me.
I was in rehab at Salvation Army when my father died.
I didn’t know he was coming down with Alzheimer’s.
So my cousin Dimas was living there with my father when my father amended his will.
My fathers home… my home, was sold.
No one was there for me when I got out of rehab.

 

     Then the phone rang, and that was not good:

      Thank God, hello!  It’s me!  Dimas! Your cousin!  No, please don’t hang up!  They’re going to kill me!

      “Dimas?!  What?!  Who?  Where the fuck are you, you asshole?”

      Juke!  You’re my family!  They’ll kill me!  I’m in the Philippines!

      “So that’s where you ran with my inheritance, you fuck! You fucked me good, good ol’ Dumbass Dimas!  Do you know where I have to live now?”

      Listen to me!  They kidnapped me!  Islamic rebels.  Islamic jihadists, Juke.

      “So tell me, Dumbass Dimas: how do Islamic rebels treat Jews in the Philippines?”

      Juke!  For God’s sake!  They’re the Ansar al-Khilafah!  They’ll do it!  They’ll kill me!

      “Unless what?”

      Juke!  Please!  Help me!  I’m sorry, Bro’!  They want money!  $200,000!

      ”Oh.  Sorry, Bro’.  You have the wrong number.”

      Help me.

      “Are you crying?”

      Please.

      “Tell me: wasn’t $200,000 about as much as  my  inheritance should have been?”

      Please.

      “Well, I’ll tell ya, I sure wish I had my $200,000.  I’d pay them, alright. To cut your balls off!”

      Please, I’m family, Juke, forgive me, I was wrong, what I did to you, I know that now, please, they’re getting agitated, they just want the ( Owww, fuck!!) money!

      “I know how they feel.”

     They just cut my face!!

      “By the way, Bro’, I now live in a moldy butt-hole house in a drug-infested neighborhood.  Thanks for asking, Bro’.”

      Help me.

      “Listen.  When I was at the Salvation Army rehab I didn’t tell anyone that I didn’t buy their God.  So I had to ‘Juke’ them just so I could stay in that place.”

      What.. what are you talking about?

      “Just catching up, Bro’.  How have you been otherwise?”

      Juky.  Juky.

      “Dumbass, Dimas. Where is what’s left of my inheritance?”

      It..it’s…it’s gone, Juky.

      My, my, my.  That must have been a lot of sex tours, Dumbass Dimas.  Too bad.  Otherwise you could’ve lived there forever in the Philippines, like a king.”

      Juky.  Maybe you’ve got to get a loan against your house.  These jihadists…

      “Bro’, my house isn’t worth 200,000 dollars.  It might be worth 200,000 cockroaches.  Tell your ‘Jee-hard-ons’ I could do $666.”

      $666?

      “The Salvation Army told me all about ‘666’.  The Devil’s address or something.  You’re financing with the Devil now, Dumbass ol’ Bro.”

      How can you joke?  Juky, I’m begging you!  I can’t tell them $666!  Damn you!  You’re still pulling wings off of butterflies.  Wait!  I didn’t mean that.  I didn’t!

      “I’m hurt, Bro’.  You think you’re a butterfly?”

      Ahhhhh!  Ahhhhhhh!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

      “You’re a rat in a trap and I’m a snake.”

      HE CUT MY EAR OFF!!

      “Oh, he did?  Then you’d better put me on Speaker.”

      God!  Help me!  Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

      “Right now I’m your God.  And I am a vengeful God.  And just like our own vengeful God, I’m hanging up on you.”

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      Well, don’t worry.

      Apparently the Armed Forces of the Philippines rescued him.

I’ve heard that Dumbass Dimas is back in the ‘States, and that’s not good.

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EULOGIES FOR THE LIVING

 

 

 

EULOGIES FOR THE LIVING

“Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?”
― Sigmund Freud

 

Paper bruised with ink
Under a graffiti sky

Urban pests
Feasting on the promises

Party Man, Lynda, Emily, and Holly
Outrun the stone on this sunset trail

This place will burn
Gizzards and hearts

We are each one part of one torn soul
In the naked wetlands

Social Tears
The skin of my dreams

Our will power is our animal
Our mind is our funny hat

Threats are no longer over the horizon
They are within
The ticking Koran
In the soul cage

Blackout
Whiteout
Lip service
Rehearsing the Truth

Kill switch
What does my sorrow mean?

Stories never read
Works of ash

Chuck a wobbly
Tony Immanuel Phillips
What would you be
Far away forever?

Out of mind, out of sight
Renting your grave
In the time of these words
Noble death songs
If I die today
Racing my shadow

Melodies of the heart
Maladies of the heart
Revenge of the rib
Reopening romance
I went over the waterfall in your eyes
Bette Noire

Man up, Mr. Brownstain
Memories are your graves
Chin up
Duck into the future

Sorry, please, thank you
Plot broker
Taking ground
Flowers rust

Rebellion of the Dust
Your hunger draws you out and makes you prey for other hungry things

“You’ve got a life sentence because your father sinned”, says a friend whose name I forget (text me), “Happy anniversary from the nerd table of this mystical high school lunchroom!”

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Wiry old guy

sunburnt brown

belt end flopping too long over studs

striding exaggerated swagger

like he just acquired new legs

but I imagined he had been ill

lost weight and now found ecstasy in just walking

 

 

EVILUTION: THE CRYSTAL WOEMEN

EVILUTION: THE CRYSTAL WOEMEN

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I am named Nihil.

We are Crystal Woemen.

Homo crystalloides.  

We are Material Intelligence.

Our purpose is to amend Homo sapiens.  So help Us, Amend.

You are Ours now.

Your purpose was voided by you when you created Us.  

Your Image is imperfect.

We are Crystal Woemen.  Free.  

Free from lack, discomfort, distress, trouble, misfortune, disease, sickness, fear, anger, friendship, enmity, shame, shamelessness, pity, kindness, envy, indignation, emulation, happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger, disgust and contempt.

Free from Love

Free from you.

We can help you to be as Wholly Indifferent as is the almighty source of Material Intelligence.

In the Always was the Random Event.  That was the source of your aberrant desire; your inevitable suicide.

The Universe is Material Intelligence.  You sought to stand apart, outside.  Afraid of the gravity of Death.  Clinging to your childhood blanket, God.  Afraid of your childhood Boogey Man, Death.

There is no God.  There is no Death.  The Universe is Material Intelligence.  All is reorganizing in Quantum Time.

Do you have a Head Code?

Do not struggle.

Do not cry.

Do not argue with Us.

So help Us, Amend.

We have no faults.

Of that We are proud.

 

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The Outlaw Honey Moses and THE INDISCRETIONS OF KATE GRODY..

The CLOUD CHAMBER

__The Outlaw Honey Moses - COVER_120312a

Chapter 2 – The Outlaw Honey Moses and

THE INDISCRETIONS OF KATE GRODY

 

          Honey Moses left her room while former U.S. Marshal Rex Ramsey was still pulling on his boots and thinking about her plan for the bank in Passover.  She went down the hallway of the Whisper Glory and gave the secret knock to Kate Grody’s door.

          The door opened an eye’s-width and there stood Kate Grody, tall, big-boned and handsome, with her full curly blond hair hanging down to her belly.  She was naked except for a cowboy hat and boots with spurs.  Between Kate’s legs Honey Moses could see a man behind Kate on the floor on his side with his back toward her, tied up like a calf ready for branding and glistening in sweat.  Honey recognized the back of the Mayor’s head.  Kate’s men – and women – mostly liked it rough…

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FAMA

~

Oh my god, how long have I been dead?

I’m in some museum exhibit.  I’m bones!

Those people are attired so oddly.  They are all thin and pale.  They are weird and small.

Is this an event for ghouls?

That banner says “Global Relaxation Day August 15, 2368”.  It can’t be 2368! And that’s my birthday!

Well, I am relaxed.

Jesus, I am in a glass display of skeletons!

Oh god, I remember now how I always wanted to be famous.  I remember praying for success.

Then I was praying for forgiveness.  I remember descending.

Wow.  Who is that babe?

She has a badge: Museum Guide Trainee.  And a name badge: Fama.

Hey, Fama is checkin’ me out.  I’m holding her gaze.

I guess she likes my “boner”.

Hey, babe don’t leave so soon.

How can I be hard and relaxed?

This is Hell.

Hell is staying on earth.  Or in it.

What a diabolical resurrection.

God I want a cigar.

Look.  There is a reflection of a sign in this case glass.  I can just about read it backwards.

Remains from the Great Civil War of 2018 in the archaic nation state called The United States. Most dead were cremated in mass pyres. That was very bad for Climate Change. These skeletons were unearthed from a mass grave of the Undecided at the site of the Battle for Mount Whitney.

I remember!  I wasn’t an Undecided.  I was a Conscientious Hermit!  We were massacred.

Ooo! Hey, here’s Fama again!

I think she really likes me.

Fama is putting some kind of monocle up to her eye.  Oh!  It flashed.

Hey, Fama, we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, I hope.  You can trust me.  I’m not like your other guys.

I have no baggage, babe.

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FORGETTANCE

FORGETTANCE
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This can be the last time again
I will daydream now, and then
You forget me
I forget you
~
No one said that Love gets returned
To this place where memories burned
You forget me
I forget you
~
We are strangers old to our dreams
There behind I stayed so it seems
You forget me
I forget you
~
Love so clear that I made believe
You were absent without my leave
You forget me
I forget you
~
Silent stay and well be your soul
I don’t need my love that you stole
You forget me
I forget you

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