Whores, Liars, Wormfood. Thieves all. Welcome to the 2,017th Halloween,


We are gathered tonight to celebrate the Soul Harvest and to dishonor the still living! Would I lie to you?

<laughter and weeping>

Damned if I do. Damned if I don’t.

<laughter and weeping>

End of days first:
A shout-out to Harvey Weinstein, crucified for your sins!

<sound of mass flagellation>

We loved your money, Harv! Hashtag #UncleSpooge.

<sound of lustful moaning>

We all know that I invented Jesus.
I gave you My Word.
Fake News to give you all false hope.

<“Filthy liar!”>

‘Thank, yuh. Thank, yuh, very much.’

<laughter and weeping>

Turn, turn, turn, turn.
You had two more cheeks on your ass.
You let me behoove you.
Like cattle in a chute, you bowed for the hammer.

<“Yeah we did!”><“Mooooo!”>
<laughter and weeping>

Sin-searingly! Cross my… eyes!

<laughter and weeping>

As God is my witness!

<laughter and weeping>

But honestly,

<laughter and weeping>

What smile does not bare teeth?
I offer succulent corruption.
I am CEO of every human endeavor.

<“Work will set you free!”>

I made you money.
You did as I said.


Suffering is not the distance from God.
Suffering is the distance from material comforts.
God, indeed! Don’t get me started!
You prayed to your Holy Shit.

<laughter and weeping>

I preyed to my fill.

But that is the season past.

You are with me now.
Do you still believe in God?

<a dim small voice, “Why have you forsaken me?”>

I am the Bitter Truth, the Ember’s Light, the That’s All, Folks.
You might as well believe in your Self, LOL!

This night, let us all scream helplessly at the sky.




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