20_the earth also moves, crop1


        Yeah, it’s just me and “Hot Rod” Donna.

        I’m finally gonna do it …I mean, we’re finally gonna do it.

        They call me “Birk the Turk”.

        We ride her dirt bike to the foreclosed neighborhood. They are so many McMansions here! I find a vacant house: 6971 Vista Circle. I think that this is a good sign. 69 and 69-plus-two-fingers. Hot Rod sees me smiling. She says, “I prefer 68, then you owe me one.”

        This door is unlocked for some reason. But we lock it when we go in. It is nice. All wood floors. Hot Rod says, “Birk, look here, someone wrote on the floor.”

        The whole empty room has writing scrawled on the wood floor. Hot Rod stares down at it like she’s looking over a cliff, “It’s mishmash from the Bible.”

        Don’t forget: her father is Reverend Swickhard. Yeah, but God has “burdened” her with a face and a body that requires a whole-lotta Birk.

        Hot Rod is mumbling as she reads, “He will exalt you to inherit the land …. I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away. In my Father’s house are many mansions…we know not whither Thou goest; and how can we know the way? …take delight in Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart…”

        And I take delight in sucking her tongue, slurping, and she is on top of me, dry-humping and moaning above the scrawl on the floor. I slide my hot little hands under that tight sweater. Oh, God, these are wonderful! So wonderful that I don’t realize I’m thinking out loud.

        Hot Rod pulls-back, grinning, “Yes, they are real, and they are spectacular!”

        I lift my head and re-install myself in her mouth. She is pounding me like I’m a nail. I hear the floor starting to creak under my butt. I tug on her crème leather pants and suddenly there is a loud crack.

        We both scream as the floor falls away behind me in a shower of huge splinters. I see them rise past us like I’m in a dream. We’re falling, falling. I’m weightless. Hot Rod never stops screaming. We are falling in a glowing haze. I squirm around to look behind me. I scream. All I see is haze!

        I am screaming, “Do orgasms cause hallucinations?”

        She is screaming, “I don’t remember coming!”

        My cell phone rings. I yank it out like a rip-chord. “Help!” I scream, shoving it into my ear.

        It is Gabir, saying, “Whoa! That good? I told you!”

        “Help! I’m falling! I don’t know where we are! We were in one of those foreclosed McMansions! Help!”

        Gabir says, “Easy, man. Be calm. Did you steal one of my purple vitamin pills?”


        “Dude, remember: the Universe is your friend.”

        “Shut up! Tell Mom! We were at… 69….6971… something Circle… Vista Circle! 6971 Vista Circle! Hurry! Help!”

        I finally notice that Hot Rod is falling curled up and clutching her cell phone to her ear, crying loudly, “Daddy, make God stop! I’m still a virgin! Yes! I swear I am!”

        I suddenly think of Alice in Wonderland. This is some fucking rabbit hole! But that makes me relax. I stop screaming. Hot Rod sees I am calm and she stops crying.

        “Daddy is on his way with the police,” she sniffs.

        I suddenly notice that there is no other sound. No wind rushing in my ears. I am losing the feeling of falling. Hot Rod reads my eyes and says, “Are we still falling?”

        “I don’t feel anything,” I say hopefully. “Maybe we were never falling. The police will be here soon. They’ll know what to do.”

        We stare at each other, just floating.

        “What should we do until they get here?” I finally ask, filling the void.

        We stare at each other. Hot Rod’s eyes ignite.

        “We probably shouldn’t,” I say quickly. Suddenly I feel really drowsy. I can’t hold my eyelids up.

        Now all is darkness.

        Then there is light.

        I open my eyes into the light. Hot Rod is asleep on top of me.

        The light moves on and suddenly I see a halo of faces. The policeman with his flashlight is grinning and muttering. My Mom looks pissed. Gabir is grinning at me and slicing his finger across his throat

        Reverend Swickhard is slapping his palm with a Bible.






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