closing time

        It had been a very good night at David and Jana’s bar. “If you haven’t gotten lucky by now, you’re not gonna!” laughed Jana. The last of the happy boisterous regulars exited at 2 AM. Jana went into the back room. The bar was filling up with silence as David prepared to lock the front door.

        As he reached for the door handle it suddenly cocked and the door opened. A man walked into the bar and marched right past David. The man had long hair, sun glasses, a beard and a trench coat that smelled like sulfur.

        David said nervously, “Sorry, friend. After 2 AM I stop serving alcohol.”

        The man continued to the bar, stood up on the foot rail, leaned over the bar and then reached down into the well, grabbing a bottle of whiskey.

        “Well,” the man said as he pulled up the bottle of whiskey, “You are not the one serving me, now are you?” He turned back toward David, threw back his head and swallowed loudly croaking like a bullfrog.

        David’s pistol was over there behind the man, under the bar counter just below the cash register, “Hey, pal. I don’t want any trouble. You can have the whiskey, just go, ok?”

        “Petty Officer David Ryman, you cock-sucking dumb ass, it’s me. Me!” and the man lifted his sun glasses to expose his red eyes and disfigured upper face.

        David’s revulsion flashed faster than his good manners, “Belathauzer? Allen Belathauzer! I, I haven’t seen you since, since…”

        “Since I saved your life, David? Since you emailed me in the hospital? Since you took Jana from me, David?”

        “Belathauzer, we tried to help you. You drove her away.”

        “I died for you, David.”

        Belathauzer took another drink from the whiskey bottle. “Well, David. Now I do want your help. You need to understand me clearly when I say it is a matter of life and death: I need to hide. I need six grand cash and quick.”

        “Belathauzer, I don’t have that kind of money. This bar is just getting by.”

        Belathauzer set the bottle of whiskey on the bar and then from his trench coat withdrew a sawed-off shotgun. He pointed it at David.

        “The safe, David.”

        David hollered loudly enough so that Jana could hear him in the back room, “Shit, ok. OK! It’s in the back room. You can have whatever’s there. I swear I won’t call the cops. But this makes us even, Belathauzer.”

        “I’ll tell you when we’re ‘even’, David.”

        They walked single-file into the back room. David crouched behind his desk and raised the rug to expose the floor safe. As he touched the dial David had a vision of unlocking a grave.

        “Hey, Belathauzer.”

        “Open it, David.”

        “I heard a good joke tonight.”

        Belathauzer tensed and leaned the muzzle of his shotgun closer to David’s head, “Don’t fuck with me, David. Shut up and open it.”

        Twirling the dial, David began, “Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, ‘Your mom’s the best sex in town!’ Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, ‘I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!’ Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, ‘Your mom liked it!’ Finally the guy interrupts. ‘Go home, Dad, you’re drunk!'”

        “Go home, Allen.” said the soft voice close behind Belathauzer, like an Angel on his shoulder. “Put the gun down or I’ll shoot.”

        Belathauzer looked over his shoulder, inhaled, and then breathed softly, “Jana. Jana, I knew you’d be here. Come away with me.”

        Suddenly he was slinging the shotgun around toward Jana.

        “No!” cried David as Jana’s pistol flashed and Belathauzer’s shotgun blasted.

        Later, the authorities exhumed Belathauzer’s coffin and they placed Belathauzer’s body back therein.   Jana cried as they closed the coffin lid.






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        Danny awoke angry. In the weekly motel he had not slept well and he did not have the rent. It was Sunday morning but today his favorite preacher would not be on TV.

        The smiling talking news head had said, “The Reverend O. L. Duck bumped his head on the limousine door and later collapsed inside the exclusive restaurant. His condition is listed as guarded.”

        Tomorrow Danny’s boss was cutting Danny’s salary by fifty cents an hour. “To prevent layoffs,” reasoned his boss just before his boss departed with the family for a trip to Las Vegas.

        Danny had not shaved or showered yesterday. He now faced the mirror and brushed his snarled hair. He smeared cold water on his forehead with a facecloth. He glared at his reflection. It glared back with angry bewildered eyes from a pale puffy face.

        “Fuck, I’m dying. I fucking hate this life.”

        Claudette was still asleep.

        “It’s fucking eleven o’clock!” snarled Danny.

        Claudette remained undisturbed. She remained undisturbed about almost everything that made Danny smolder.

        “I guess I get to go tell the fucking manager that I don’t have all of the rent. Shit. Fuck this. Thanks, God. Why do I fucking give a shit?”

        Claudette suddenly arose from the bed, silently, and shuffled to the window. She peeked through the draperies.

        “It’s an overcast day,” she observed softly.

        Danny did not look her in the eye. He was glad that he had not lost his temper again. He was glad that he had waited that extra five minutes. If he could always wait five more minutes, not “count to ten”, but wait five minutes more, things could work-out; he wouldn’t always have to fight.

        Claudette poured milk for the cats. She brushed her teeth. To Danny she moved like an angel within her own time. Claudette had a world all her own.

        Claudette could charm the manager into taking a partial rent payment.

        Danny was scared. The less he cared, the less he did, the better things seemed to be. It made him think about God again.

        “God, what fucking good am I?”

        Claudette made coffee and counted the money.

        “Did you hide away any money?” asked Claudette.

        “I have two dollars,” grumbled Danny.

        “Hey, the sun’s coming out,” said Claudette, as the cats parted the draperies to peer outside.

        Coins clinked, clinked, jingled, and jangled like tiny bells as Claudette sorted a palm full of change.

        “Do you want a sandwich in a minute?” asked Claudette.

        Danny answered “Yeah,” as he tried to remember what was left to eat in the food drawer.

        The cats looked out into the world beyond the parted draperies and calmly contemplated the motion and noise. They watched a thin gnarly man who could have been young (who could have been old) stiffly pushing a shopping cart toward the trash dumpster.

        “How do I look?” asked Claudette as she stood before the door. She had brushed her long blonde hair and she had pulled on her lavender sweater with the embroidered heart.

        “Good”, answered Danny. “Your face even has a good color.”

        Claudette went outside to the manager’s office. Danny re-lit a dwindling Avanti cigar butt.

        Danny thought to himself, “That’s one good thing about these Italian cheroots: they last and they still taste OK.”

        Claudette returned after only a few minutes, smiling.

        “No problem?” asked Danny as he held the door open.

        “No”, she said. And she added with a whisper, “He said that rates were going down next week. Back to winter rates.”

        “Hal-a-fucking-loo-yah!” cried Danny, rolling his head back and giving praise to the ceiling. Danny blew a big fart; a fanny-fare of trumpeting release.

        “Why do you always ‘say’ the same thing?” said Claudette with disgust.

        “This is different”, laughed Danny. “Something, one fucking thing, is finally going our way.”

        Claudette went to the top dresser drawer and withdrew a half loaf of Health Nut bread, four slices of cheese-substitute individually wrapped in clear plastic squares, a bag of Eagle potato chips half empty and folded, a small Roma tomato, and half a green chili pepper.

        “The mayo is in the ice bucket,” said Claudette as she handed Danny a paper plate, half a paper towel, and a blue-handled bread knife.

        They sat together on the bed and made their brunch.

        On TV was a news story about young adults going to a summer camp in Oregon where they learn Chinese social customs.

        “Fucking bullshit!” spluttered Danny.

        The TV interviewer asked a boy why he was at this summer camp, why he was learning Chinese culture, and the boy replied, “If you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em.”


        “See?” squeals Danny. “Instead of going to a camp to learn math or geography or design, these fucking millennial brats are learning how to kiss butt!”

        “No so loud,” hisses Claudette, looking toward the draperies.

        Danny thinks to himself, “I must be waking up. I’ve switched to present tense.”






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mentally ill bro

“This place is heaven!”

“Yeah, China Diamond Palace Buffet has everything.  Remember: I’m paying.”

“Oh, you won’t forget.”

“I see you got your usual fried calamari and your usual creamed corn.  What kind of soup is that?”

“Oh, I chunked-up some salmon filets into the Sweet and Sour Soup.”

“Yuck, I can barely stand the smell of sea food.”

“I know.  You tell me every time.  Well, I see you’re sticking with your Biscuits and Gravy.  We could have just gone to Denny’s.”

“Hey, I didn’t have to invite you, you know.  I’m paying.”

“Oh, I’m only kidding, come on.”

“You still make fun of me.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean anything.  I’ll try to control myself.”

“Mom and Dad got tired of telling you.”

“Well, I got tired of Mom always taking your side, never preparing you to be on your own.  She wasn’t doing you any favors, believe me.  She didn’t let Dad say anything to you, either.”

“Dad said he was disappointed in you, not in me.”

“Well, they punished me good.  They left half the money from the house to you and one quarter each to Melanie and me when it was sold.”

“Mom wanted me to have the house.  She told me.”

“Uh, just how were you going to keep the house, again?  Your Government Disability would have been cut off if you owned a house.  And you have no other income.”

“I told people at church that you and Melanie were trying to take the house from me.  They told me to get a lawyer.”

“You never told those busy-bodies the whole story.  Uncle Harold was the Executor and he must have explained it to you a hundred times.  How much did you waste on that lawyer?”

“Uncle Harold did not do what Mom wanted him to do.  Mom told me that I was going to get the house!  I never liked Uncle Harold.”

“Mom always protected you and let you do anything you wanted.  She felt terribly guilty because a child out of wedlock was a big deal for that generation.  Your real father disappeared.  Dad was amazing to marry Mom.  You were a fucking retard.”

“Dad never did anything against me.  It was you and Melanie and Uncle Harold.”

“Mom wouldn’t let him!”

“Dad was so disappointed in you, he told me.  You were always in trouble and you were into drugs.”

“Listen, you freak, I always admired Dad.  He was my hero.  All I ever wanted was his respect.  So fuck you.”

“Excuse me, but I thought you just said that you were going to control yourself?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s not fight about old shit.  Uh, sorry.”

“My minister said that…”

“Your minister just wants you to keep spending your inheritance on ‘donated’ bibles ‘with your name in them’ and new podiums, new microphones, and anything else that he can con you out of.  Don’t you get it?  Damn it.  So much for church.”

“Dad and Minister Rob prayed for you when you were on drugs.  Minister Rob said that we should still Love you.  You don’t know how hard that was.”

“Fuck Love.”

“That’s why Dad used to beat you!  Stop saying that.  Don’t you believe that Love is the most powerful thing in the world?”

“No.  No I don’t.  Forgiveness is.  We are all just trained animals.  There is no God!  We are always going to be cruel and selfish.  We need to step up and be God.  We tell ourselves that we are so special, so different; the “Crown of Creation”.  Bullshit.  We need to face our horrible savage lives with a shield of Forgiveness.”

“How can you say that there is no God?  I’m going to make you go back.  Are you forgetting that you are dead?!”

“No, no, but you only ‘invite’ me to have dinner with you on the anniversary of my death! You’re the one who got my share of the inheritance when I OD’d.  Maybe you feel guilty?”

“I don’t have to listen to this!  You go to Hell.”

“Sorry, there is no Hell.  There is no…”

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!  You go back right now!”

“…and there is no Heaven.  And there is no God!”

“Get out of here!”

“See you next year, freak show.”



Good.  He disappeared again.  I hate him.  He always starts an argument and now everybody in the restaurant is looking at me.  How embarrassing.  He always embarrasses me.  Next year I am NOT inviting him to dinner!






Wind and Cloud and Ice
And Man who is the Fire
Claim the mountain top

Cock’s pride chortles forth
Dawning on humble mice
Cobwebs encompass windows
In gray doors peeling red

Morning ragtime worm
Cut cut orchard
Hot thick apples
Leaning trees
Amber apples
Savage love bites
Pollen weary bees

My head clock really buzzed
Wanting that gin whack
Suddenly sucking back
Lonesome blood
I asked love
To end me

Dark shore beckoning
Across brandy dreams
Desire whispers
In craters of anguish
Lanterns flicker
In abandoned white ships

Midnight deeds aroused the cherubs
Burdens churned unspoken sleep
My echoes forgot
Daytime devils dream my soul

Old bones restrain
False needs of love
Lords of vanity beckon
Deeds into stone
Ignorance proud within
Bonds old bones

Speech crashes my throat
Sober acid words
Guide my love up
Out the hot blue veil
Of half-digested empty skies

I myself thin soil
I am willing orchids
I am armored

Quivering faces
Half-closed eyes waltz
Innocent birds
Clutching wrinkled
Frail cane hands

Wrinkles slicing bony pate
Pleated gnarly rind
Eyes shuffling decades faint
Mortality’s past my
Suspender stoop
Sneakers wade molasses

Jackhammer testimony
Shakes aching man
Toward another
Sucking razor ledge
Above nature’s marathon
Perched women poised
Pushed back

You will laugh through blue smoke hues
I found a memory unused
We spoke promises not truths
Consistency unchallenged

Are you what you see?
Can you touch a reflection?
Who is listening?

Dull eyes toil
Down 50 women
Each born tourists
Hands preach plans
Tight jeans’ walk
Gyrates talk
Delicious designer illiterates

Hot arrows out eyes
Poked desire smothered
Smile weak worse advised
Silky tongue mothered
Lady summoned me
Sip poisoned tea

Tempting apples
On her hot kitchen table
Plunging teeth try to bite
Into her perfection
Bursting juice
I enter

Moon touching silky curves
Tingling floats soft fire
Stars crashing hot nerves
Strike long long desire
Beyond sane

Sitting sucking caramel
Rolling dewdrops on her tongue
Bittersweet baby doll
Sinking shadows sugarplum
Fairies twirling under lashes
Dance me to metamorphosis

Fierce hair snapping
Hips mud-brown fling
Silky legs fire dancing
Pagan secrets flare
Gods screaming stare

Diaphanous goddesses
Draping marble bodies
Pull Zeus in
To their catacomb
Osseous Acropolis
Clinging wrinkled wet
Bend Zeus

Love’s callousness
Amidst hidden carnage
Destroyed wisdom
Hammering solitary souls
Into a spaceless station
Of indefatigable enmity
Swallowing blazing stone

Celebrate sin with wine
Man fuse woman flash child
Knee ring wedding enslaved
Quietly trusting lying cheating
Door aha divorce

Cacti silent hear
Distant promises of rain
This is true praying

Mom’s breast smells sweet
Chile gonna cry cry
I’m your heartbeat
Whispering everything’s alright

Cherubs foretold
Rainbow meadows
Clouds of pear gold
Dear Lord’s way
Calming pure white
Allowed Holy
Evil’s twilight
Mortal play

Look well beyond
The breaking rain
That cloud of fire
Heaven insane
With loud desire
Out to love

Baby watch mother down the charcoal path
Cried love song
Mother smiled dancing to the nearest end
Kept silent music

Dissipating ran
Careless footprints
Now gone
Infant’s magic dream
Dim soft glow

My child fights
The darkness of freedom once
My words ignite
The soft light of ignorance

Young Leaves arise through
Litter of fallen Old Leaves
Embrace in passing!

Months burned slowly
In my town
Silence bars me
Out past two o’clock
Inside you
Another found
In rain drowned

Breath vanishes thus
Souls lost within vapors
Bide forfeited essence
Their pallbearers sway
Words hopelessly spurning

Death cosmetically at peace
Cushioned beatless soul
Tears in motorcades of grief
Families ominous
Unembalmed rolled
More yet-to-come
Child’s sadness lids this life

Books covered your faith
Lullabies played through your cares
Hope now bears you tears
Praying resounds years of pain.

Bronze melts upon desire
Into fire – and love dies
Self-sacrifice – the spirit
Feverish and mute – yet lies
To shape again the dust

Skies crack
Raven cries
Whales gasping
Salt scraps
Survivors of every desire
Run praying please favor us

To run from heaven
Rain crossed the moon
Crashing long drought
And never found love

From stimuli steel-toed
I play the floor cold
Extra harmony up my ear
I will taste decaying tears

Remember sweet treason struck angels protected
I am faithless reason whence spirits seize space
For His Holy Anchored Embrace

Before moonbeams
Before god’s despair
God’s newborn mouth
Soundless nowhere
Before God’s cry

Murderous from his cloudy chair
Over a cigarette nonchalantly
Staggered his mouth broken apart
Whispering ashes hot against me

We stand together
Frozen waterfalls waiting
For the thaw of death

I now understand
The best haiku I can write
Is the one that says…





“EL BURRO VIEJO (The Old Burro)”

The Sun
My friend
The hill
To lift
The edge
Of night
So tattered by the embers’ flight

The Man
My Friend
His house
To stir
With song
So sadness in my ear is sown

My eye
Is filled
The Man
My Friend
Now tithes
My trough
Sweet grain
With hay
Melaza means we work today

A blanket woven by his Wife Who Died
Adorns my saddle where he dare
Bestride me slowly with his beaten heart
And turn, as if to cry good-bye

I trot along the Trail My Friend once more
To bear all sorrow down to town
Where we will trade it for a day or so
Of work together dust to dust

The bargain struck by hand to carry goods
Upon my back up there somewhere
Beyond the pass where pumas hide the moon
Machete smiles did slice the price

My hooves the hours mull with dust and salt
That smolder from the pounded ground
The strangers grow impatient with my pace
And tell the Man My Friend to tend
My inclination, weighing on my knees
My coffin bones are spears of tears
The Man My Friend with gentle songs beside
My toil he shares with yet regret

Yet steep between the jaws of canyon walls
The waves of rocks in frozen pose
A shadow dances on my bleary eyes
My legs I lose, so quit and sit
The angry strangers my existence curse
But flying words can bring no wing
So stones are cast that gouge away my fur
I bray to heaven, then cries arise

The Man My Friend between the stones and me
Does intercede and begs my legs
To help me wobble, like a foal again
But he is struck by stones and moans
Collapsing with me back into the dust
The strangers leave us there aware
They take our chances with their own and go
The goods upon their shoulders rolled.

The Man My Friend is moving not at all
But grave injustice I defy
To find myself arisen and I bray
I bellow and I scream extreme
Damnation on the wicked strangers’ path
When one returns despising eyes
And draws his gun and fires amiss at me
I kick at rocks that fly awry
To clatter up the narrow canyon walls
He ducks his head his fellows yell
The canyon is an echo cauldron now
I hear a rumble, then again
When boulders fall and crush the strangers dead
Manojos de su dinero share
The Man My Friend and I
Viejos juntos



“April is the cruellest month…” whispered in my mind, recalling a poem by T. S. Elliot.

I am Lieutenant Murray Cohen.  I am with the 89th Infantry Division.  We were moving wth the 4th Armored Division.  On the night of April third, 1945 we were in the Thuringia Forest of Germany.

I lit two cigarettes.  One for me.  One for my dead friend Allen.

A few days ago my squad had assaulted a machine gun emplacement.  It was impossible.  So I split my squad and we tried a five-prong attack.  I was the only one who survived.  Our commander leaned into my face and loudly commended me, saying dozens more would have been killed.  He shook my slumped shoulder.

They assembled for me another squad out of other survivors.

Sergeant Dale approached me as I alternately smoked both cigarettes that night.  He joked, “Won’t all that smoke give-away our position?”

I said, “Not like those shits you take.”

Sergeant Dale chuckled and he asked,”So what is this mysterious objective tomorrow?”

I answered truthfully, “A bunker of some kind.  They don’t know if they’re going to test some new super bomb or if it’s just a big new command center.”

Sergeant Dale mused, “Super bomb? Great.”

I reminded him, “You haven’t heard anything.”

Sergeant Dale said, “Sure.  OK, Goodnight, Irene.  Hey, it’s Passover isn’t it?”

I answered, “Tomorrow.”

In the sunrise of the coming first night of Passover we moved onward searching out our objective.  It wasn’t long until we saw smoke rising from behind a hill.

I said to my squad which was spread around me, “Put on your dancin’ shoes,” and we stalked toward the smoke.

We came upon the walled compound deeply hidden in the hillside from which the smoke was rising.  The watchtowers were unmanned.

Sergeant Dale asked me, “Was it bombed?  Why would they allow smoke like that?”

I observed through my binoculars, “The gate is ajar.”

Sergeant Dale asked, “A trap?”

I said, “We’re going in,” and one by one we covered each other as we entered through that gate.

I cannot make you comprehend today how we had no concept for what we found.  We were the first Americans to liberate a Nazi concentration camp: Ohrdruf.

There were decaying corpses lying everywhere and there were erect corpses with open eyes shuffling toward us, staring as if they could not comprehend our presence.

I approached the ghastly source of the smoke.  It was a railroad pallet piled with charred remains of people.  Tar had been poured on them and set on fire.  But fire would not consume the evil.

Sergeant Dale alerted me, “Murray.”

I turned and saw a woman in a Nazi uniform coming towards me, holding erect an emaciated young girl who had blood all over the side of her head and face.  The blood had soaked the side of the Nazi woman.

The woman spoke and gestured to herself and the young girl, saying something, explaining, pleading though I couldn’t understand her as I raised my rifle.

“Bitte. Arzt! Arzt! Ich bin Aufseherin Hirth. Gabriella. Dieses Mädchen ist Aliza. Ich kam zurück, um zu helfen. Als die anderen sagten, das Lager aufzugeben, schoßen sie jeden, dass sie konnten. Ich verließ die anderen Wächter, um zurückzukehren, um zu helfen.”

[“Please.  Doctor!  Doctor!  I am Supervisor Hirth.  Gabriella.  This girl is Aliza.  I came back to help.  When the others said to abandon the camp they shot everyone that they could.  I deserted the other guards to return to help.”]

Sergeant Dale ran to them.  He pulled the injured young girl away from the Nazi.  The young girl bleated and reached back for the woman.

I aimed my rifle at the Nazi woman.  I became the Angel of Death.

The woman withered to her fate.

I glanced at the blood of the young girl upon the woman’s side.  I heard the bleating of the young girl.

Then my eyes were opened.  Understanding descended upon me in tears.

I retracted my rifle barrel toward heaven and Death silently passed over that woman.


For every gift there is a theft.
The mind appears to be an elaboration of the senses.
Will appears to be chemistry of the senses.
Whence then the notion of enlightenment?  Aversion to pain?
Is it true that the senses can overcome themselves?
What, Who asks?