IMAGINARY LETTER no. 5 (The Poison in the Gift)

 

kathy at castle

 

 

12/21/2014

 

My dear esteemed Doctor,
.
It has been a long time since I was pen-pals with your future wife.  Forty-five years is a long time for the blood but not for the mind.
When I rediscovered her letters I found for myself that feelings never die.  Those tissue artifacts unlocked the tomb where my feelings had been buried alive.
.
I soon realized that I had been hurting others so that they would feel as badly as I did.  It was cowardice.  I had become a zombie, eating the hearts of the living.
.
I didn’t want to write this letter but as I argued with myself a young Cooper’s Hawk just swooped the ground in front of me.  We are creatures who hunt meaning, aren’t we?  I chose to write this letter.
.
The writing finger moves on.
.
Consider this letter my therapy, an open door through which my undying feelings cannot become poisonous again.
.
I am content not to see her again if it is as must be best for all.  I have woven a lovely gossamer puppet in her likeness out of my threads of remembrances.  We talk.  Ha!  Like a child psychologist uses a puppet to purge children.
.
I do wish that I could discuss with K. some things that I have recently read while researching a story.  To wit, in India there is an ancient moral tradition of a sacred gift called a “dan” ideally given anonymously and asymmetrically (without expectation of reward), much like our giving of blood, for instance, but which can be perverted into a ritual to pass inauspiciousness and sin from the “worthy” to the “unworthy”.  Fortunately, Dan is not writing this imaginary letter LOL.
.
We had a company pot-luck Christmas lunch.  One of the silly events was to make us Directors dance the Macarena.  To practice (learn) I had to watch videos in my locked and darkened office.  At first I was annoyed because I have enough humiliation without making it a ritual.  However, as I practiced I realized how dancing would be a wonderful way to start exercising again at (too) long last!  I started bookmarking dance instruction  videos.  (Thank you for your “dan” to me, Courtney).
.
2015?  Where the hell am I?
.
I wanted to spend half my time writing and half my time exercising.  Well, my “writing time” has dwindled to the hours to and from my job (whence “Job” thanks Jobs for iPhone Notes LOL!)
.
I guess I’ll be dancing in the dark on breaks and at lunch hour.
.
It has been said that Life is Death’s arena.  Dance well.
.
.
Sincerely,
.
Alan Grody
.
.
.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s